Grandaddy fell and I can't lift him up: what do I do?
Sep 23, 2022We will never forget that phone call. My husband and I were having a lovely evening together when his mom hysterically called us for help.
We dropped everything and rushed over to their home. We found Grandaddy lodged between two tables in the office, and it was true: Grandmother couldn't get him up. Six foot six makes for a great basketball player, which he was, but in his eighties it made it real tough to care for him. When he fell between those tables in the home office, we realized we were going to have to solve a really big problem.
The first problem was to decide if he could be moved or not.
We assessed him for injury and pain. The carpeting in the office was unusually thick and padded, so that softened the blow, and we were satisfied that we was alright, albeit trapped. That's when we began moving furniture around to be able to reach him.
Something I learned from reading articles on elder care was that when aged bodies fall, they don't get up quickly or easily. Surprisingly, a really great way to help get an elderly person up is to use books, of all things! Fortunately, the home office was filled with dictionaries, encyclopedias and all the biggest thickest books we could imagine.
He was sideways on the floor, so we utilized that position to our advantage and placed several books under his arms. He was able to push upward on the books until he reached a near-sitting position. With our help, we got him situated on the floor, in a seated position.
We then had him lean forward as we placed books under his rear end, one at a time until we could get him to a kneeling position. That was when we were able to slip a step stool under his backside and he could sit on that.
Slowly, step by step, we were able to elevate him to a chair, and from that, he was able to get up to a standing position. We steadied him through the hallway and made our way to his favorite recliner to have him rest while we decided what to do next.
His wife was beyond consolation at that point. She was a petite five foot six and couldn't possibly do anything to help her husband of sixty-plus years. He wasn't overweight, just very very tall and big boned. She couldn't care for him anymore if he fell again.
She had fallen on several different occasions. (At the time, everyone thought it was mere clumsiness. Later, we discovered it was the early stages of Lewy Body Dementia. And we had plenty of issues with that later.) He was always able to help her to her feet, but she could not in any way help him, other than to call us on the phone to rescue her. She could no longer care for him on her own. None of us could lift him either, and we needed help.
Grandaddy had lived his life in construction and all things athletic. In his mid eighties, however, he struggled with agility and coordination. Keeping up the home had always been effortless for him, but now, with his breathing difficulties, he didn't have the energy anymore. So, the talks began in earnest about changing their housing situation.
We all came to the decision together to downsize them from their nearly 2,000 square foot home and move them to assisted living. We had a friend in the business and she referred us to a Senior Referral Agent. We made the appointment in just a couple of days to find a suitable place for them to live.
The amazing agent came to our rescue and took us to look at multiple styles of assisted living. For those without experience in the industry, it is completely overwhelming and upsetting, to say the least. But for those who spend their time helping seniors find just the right place to live, it's a piece of cake. I am so thankful for our agent; she was so caring and kind and compassionate and answered all three million of our questions!
We first visited a very large community that looked like a regular apartment complex. What we didn't notice is that it serviced able-bodied seniors, those not so able-bodied, as well as those where were completely dependent upon a high level of care. It also had a lockdown floor for those suffering from dementia who could no longer be safe walking outside alone.
Going into that facility was a real shock, I have to be honest. It was well run and very nicely kept, but, just the shocking reality that this could be our parent's last place to live was a real downer. It was really hard for us to get our heads around that. Fortunately, our parents had a great attitude though, and they actually looked forward to having others do their house keeping and chores, so that helped.
The next facility we visited, fortunately without the parents, totally freaked us out. We went into a lockdown facility for dementia patients. It was deeply troubling as dementia is a cruel disease that not only hurts the patient, but it devastates families. Being in a facility surrounded by only full-blown dementia patients was a very difficult experience for us as it was our first exposure to so many who suffered. Our agent said that we needed to see this and wrap our minds around it as a future possibility since our mom was noticeably slipping mentally. It took us several days to recover from that one.
Our agent next took us and our parents the following day to a lovely group home facility. A group home is a more intimate facility staffed by skilled nurses who provide care and home cooked meals for the residents. This particular home was very pretty and it was nestled in the orange groves. It even had a roving cow who would make appearances at the windows from time to time. The home was enormous and had been converted into a facility with ten lovely rooms. The four of us agreed and ended up choosing this facility to be our parents' home. The room they chose was large enough to accommodate their living room furniture as well as two beds. The bathroom boasted a walk in shower and it was indeed a lovely place.
We reserved the room with payment, and then, in the next two weeks, we got to the business of selling the home and downsizing. We were introduced to a wonderful real estate agent who was familiar with Senior Real Estate.
Something we learned throughout this process was that there is a magical kingdom on earth that few know of. I like to think of it as being called Middle Earth for Seniors. It is unknown to most of society, but we discovered it is a world unto itself. It is the world of Senior Living. There are real estate agents with special knowledge and skills just for this group of society. There are furniture movers, sellers, buyers, dealers of antiques, auctioneers, organizers, doctors, housing options, and even lawyers who specialize in Senior Law and Senior issues. There is a whole alternate reality of society and the only thing it services is the needs of seniors! (Of course, living in Arizona, a retirement Mecca, we have many more services than other parts of the country who are less senior-friendly.)
We were so thankful for this real estate agent who was familiar with the specialized needs of seniors. We were especially thankful since his wife was a Senior Transition Specialist! Who even knows what that is? It is a highly specific type of personal organizer who is familiar with all the ins and outs of the needs of seniors in a downsizing situation.
She helped us sort out what to take and what to donate or what to sell or what to simply throw in the garbage. She helped us shred papers, organize documents, she found antique dealers who would purchase the really cool antiques, and she also arranged for things to be sold at auction. She could have arranged an Estate Sale for us, but we chose auction because of less foot traffic in the house. She shipped the valuable pieces to family members elsewhere in the country.Not only did she pack everything to save in boxes, take all donations to charity, but she was also there on moving day and moved our parents into their new home and helped them set up their bathrooms, closets, and even made the beds!
Who knew such a person existed???
The whole experience of finding a place to live and selling the original home happened in a blast of two weeks! It was insane. (At the same time, my own mother was hospitalized and so I was caring for all three of our parents while my husband traveled. Talk about a crazy time!!)
Without these amazing professionals, whom I ADORE and will forever cherish, without them it would have been an incredibly stormy time. I will always be eternally grateful for those beautiful people who guided us and helped us when we couldn't possibly imagine how to take the next step let alone how to solve the enormous problems we faced.
In case you are wondering, this is why we founded Aging Agendas.
We were so lost and had no idea where to turn. We were so blessed by knowing just ONE wonderful lady who knew another wonderful lady who knew an amazing man who was married to an incredible woman, and so on and so on and so on. We magically got through that very bad time in our life with the care and grace of really spectacular people.
But what about the people who aren't connected and don't know how to find their way through what they face? What about them?
Our hope is to be able to provide answers and serve this community of struggling people who are caring for their aging loved ones. There are many similarities in all our situations and there are so many answers that are available right away. There are caring and loving people out there who can help and guide and teach and serve. Our goal is to be able to connect these two groups of people in a meaningful way. We want to provide information and guidance and instruction and get people on their way, knowing that they are doing the right thing.
Perhaps you may have questions about what to do with your parents? We invite you to visit our website and see if there is a way that we can help you navigate these unknown and turbulent waters. Hop on over and see if we can help you. Let us know what we can do to serve you and make your journey a bit more manageable. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
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